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Written and performed by Malcolm Gray at the Summer Ball 2007.
Multipurposearchtoolwithtenspeedsandpendulation,
We hope that you will all agree, 'tis a marvellous creation,
We built it up from junk we found in skips behind the station,
Multipurposearchtoolwithtenspeedsandpendulation.
When you've got vast areas of flattage to construct,
And need to find a dozen tools, but really can't be f**ked,
We give you this alternative, which drills and saws and sands,
And neatly nails the frames, and if you're lucky not your hands!
Multipurposearchtoolwithtenspeedsandpendulation,
Does not conform to any health and safety legislation,
We threw away the guard because it caused too much vibration,
Multipurposearchtoolwithtenspeedsandpendulation.
It can cut through anything from scaff to MDF,
Its decibel sound rating, though, will make the user deaf,
It has a little manual, but sh*t what does this mean?
For optimum performance, ensure blades are sharp and clean??!!
Multipurposearchtoolwithtenspeedsandpendulation,
Has a few surprises 'cos we bodged the insulation,
Muppets may get facial burns, or death, or amputation,
Multipurposearchtoolwithtenspeedsandpendulation.
It can rig for paint jobs, though it really is a pain,
So you can build your set with love, then paint it with disdain,
It can cut out 3-D stuff, from lotus flowers to cars,
But don't let muppets operate it inches from your a*se.
Multipurposearchtoolwithtenspeedsandpendulation,
It can give the elephant all kinds of stimulation,
From shaping ears and trimming tusks, to mechanical fellation,
Multipurposearchtoolwithtenspeedsandpendulation.
For accuracy, sadly, we can make no guarantees,
Angles, they may still be off by quite a few degrees,
We fitted a micrometer, to keep the edges square,
But cutting without guessing - that would simply not be fair!
Multipurposearchtoolwithtenspeedsandpendulation,
Our aim is to continue with dynamic innovation,
The mark two will have laser beam, and plasma-torch ablation,
Multipurposearchtoolwithtenspeedsandpendulation.
Multipurposearchtoolwithtenspeedsandpendulation,
If you should chance to hurt yourself, and suffer mutilation,
We're so sorry, this is MUGSS, and there's no compensation,
Multipurposearchtoolwithtenspeedsandpendulation.
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