1996 Boating Song
To the tune of modern major general, Written and performed by Justin Morley on the 1996
Norfolk boating holiday. There is a video of this one and only performance lurking about
somewhere. (But this probably also includes the famous scene of a certain Mr Hayes
"unblocking" a chemical loo with his bare hands – so you may not actually want to
watch it...)
When boating on the Norfolk Broads one cannot tell what will transpire.
I am surprised we're still alive, not perished in a blazing fire
A crew that's the epitome of irresponsibility
A captain stretched beyond his navigational ability
A toilet that breaks down with most alarming regularity
And lighting that keeps going out when most in need of clarity
Despite the air of luxury, the boat looks like a students flat
And a diet though it's very nice is everything which makes you fat
Leaving Dawn behind in that deserted little village
And drinking so much alcohol we should have brought a stillage
In short when sailing up and down those calm and tranquil waters
When you see us coming you should lock up your sons and daughters
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