Society Safety Briefing
A parody of those airline safety announcements that you get at the beginning of flights. Conceived by Jeremy Davis and Penny Richards whilst waiting to take off a Paris Charles de Gaul.
Read by Jeremy in a patronising voice and acted out by Penny, Jo Taylor (and some other Soaks whose names escape me at the moment) in a particularly coarse manner at the Cabaret after Kirkby Lonsdale in Pinafore / Trial 2000.
Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Manchester Universities' Gilbert and Sullivan Society. For your comfort and safety, there will now follow a short emergency instructions presentation. Please pay close attention to the Old Soaks standing amongst you, as these instructions may differ from societies you have been in previously.
Please study the chorus copy located in the seat pocket in front of you. It contains important hints and tips about how the show should sound. However, you may wish to ignore this information, in favour your own ideas, which you have picked up over the last 30 years in amateur dramatics.
Should the chairman of the society shout "audience audience audience" please adopt your favourite coarse position. This does not need to reflect the action going on in the current scene.
In case of the society entering a dimly lit bar, emergency beer pump lighting will point the way to the alcohol. Emergency exits to the toilets are located at the far end of the room.
After vast society consumption of alcohol, potential snogging partners are located here, here and here.
In case of alcohol shortage emergency pints may be obtained from the bar. Pick up the glass in your dominant hand, raise it to your lips, open your mouth and drink normally. Please finish your pint before starting on anybody elses.
Your party costume is located under your seat. It comes complete with fishnets, a suspender belt and a whistle to summon assistance. The whistle should only be used when trapped in a boring conversation, or under a pile of writhing bodies. The suspender belt should be passed around the waist and fastened at the back like so.
Please do not leave your seat while the No Sharking signs are illuminated. Please note that sharking is not permitted in the toilets at any time, and that for your comfort and safety sharking detectors are in use. The society reserves the right to publish information about detected sharking in the annual tube map.
On behalf of Gilbert and Sullivan societies the world over we wish you a safe and sexually enlightening journey. Thank you for your attention. You may now return to your drinking.
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