Crew Measurement Units
During Pirates 2002, a new system of units of measurements was adopted by the crew, as part of the relentless
tide of in-joke that fuels the society. If there'd been an alt-prog for the show, I suspect this would have been in
it. Want explanations? Talk to Pete Gent – he's collated this.
It was decided that the MUGSS measurement system should be documented and the entries proposed were as follows:
Length:
1 Yayf1 = 2 Robs give or take 2 tassels
Tarts' Parties:
The primary unit is the Rufty.
1 Rufty = 10 Nipples = 5 Helen Watsons
Sharking:
Primary unit is the Spikey but as this is too large a unit for general use, it was agreed that the milli-Spike should be
used and that the scale is probably logarithmic.
(Surely there should be some conversion factor to "Dickey's Per Female Chorus Member" here? – Ed)
Time:
1 lampy hour = 2 x sqrt(stage area) real hours
However the Graham factor makes 1 lampy hour = 0.5 real hours
1 coil = 2 lampy hours
1 metric pint = 3 seconds
1 imperial pint = 1 second
(Not exactly time but: 1 orchestra shirt = 1/3 pint)
Densities:
It was generally agreed that the following critical densities should be kept under close scrutiny:
Critical Muppet Density: 10 Beakers per square yay
Critical Chorus Density: 3 Animals per square yay
Costuming Annoyance:
An annoyance factor of one is equivalent to one chocolate biscuit.
The costume team would also like it made clear that all biscuits are created equal, just some are more equal than
others. (particularly Jaffa Cakes)
Desertion Factor:
The general unit is the Elsie but in some situations, the larger unit of the Pete must be used.
1 Elsie = 1 milli-Pete
Also 1 Fire Alarm = 1 Pete = 1000 Elsies
Set bodge factor:
Measured in Stuarts and calculated by:
root(2) Stuarts per flat area to the power of length of 2 by 1
(No mention of "Rolls of gaffer per square foot of flats" here? – Ed)
Parties:
It was proposed that parties should be measured in bitches per production manager.
(Perhaps "per society member" instead? I suspect that it's not just the PM who had issues to air – Ed)
Others:
A number of other units were proposed, but either I haven't recorded them properly or the conversions haven't been
worked out yet. Some of them are:
GUST factor
Radio Traffic Density (measured in Shiftys)
Footnote 1:
Maybe your webmaster is just being a bit dumb – but it's taken me the best part of the year to get the idea that the "yay"
as a unit of measurement is derived from the phrase "about yay big" – where the speaker is waving his or her hands about
shoulder width apart....
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