Pete's DSM Advert
The following appeared on the Banter list from Pete England, (a man who has held pretty much every post in the society during his
years of faithful service) shortly after the
position of Deputy Stage Manager
2004 was opened for applications.
Several people took multiple reads to realise it was a parody.
Date: Sat, 25 Oct 2003 12:37:44 +0100
From: MUGSS Pete
Subject: BANTER: Re: Deputy Stage Manager
The following position is now available for application:
Deputy Stage Manager
(After the Stage Manager, this is one of the singly most ignored
member of the crew.)
Responsibilities:
Before the show:
The DSM should be attending rehearsals with the cast, taking in
blagging information, and where appropriate giggling at the chorus
standing in straight lines or standing in the wrong place/the wrong
act/the wrong theatre.
Show week:
The DSM has a copy of the Lib referred to as the Book. This has
*every* piece of information related to something the Director is
about to change from show to show, to guessing what the lights will
do in any performance, to making the crew rotate set to music (this
is where a composer has set some dull music and retorted that the
crew should "spin on it").
After the Stage Manager has got FoH clearance s/he goes to the
bar – then remembers to hand over the show to the DSM. At this point
the DSM summons the crew from the bar leaving the poor SM on his/her
own (don't worry though, because the SM will be used to this).
Everything that the DSM says is a guess. However, if asked to jump,
the crew should wheel in a bed and satisfy the DSM's requirements.
Nothing happens unless the DSM says "please".
The DSM also calls cast. Quite understandably. The DSM also calls
the cast to the stage and the cast do not show up until they have
been asked to. Except leading lady who show up three minutes later.
Unless the DSM forgets, in which case the cast turn up anyway
because they know when they should be onstage far better than the
DSM. Sometimes.
You need to be... well, erm,... you need to be there.
So, if you enjoy sitting in a dark room watching people then go to
the cinema instead. Alternatively if you are a control freak who
can handle rejection then this could be the position for you.
Application deadline: ten minutes before the Dress Rehearsal.
Interviews to be held during the interval thereafter.
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